submission_1f2r9wf
first day tomorrow and im sick to my stomach
first day tomorrow and im sick to my stomach </33
i hope this is on topic to post here but im starting college tomorrow and i feel so nervous and idk how to cope with it :((
i get that like everyones nervous on their first day, everyone will be preoccupied with their own things and whatnot, but that doesnāt really ease me either. i tried to see if anyone else was posting if theyāre going to the same school as me (john jay) and havenāt seen anything which understandable but still
plus it doesnāt help iāll be commuting on my own ;; up until now iāve been picked up/dropped off to and from school which i have been so grateful for but thats just created more anxiety for me because now this is the first time iāll be travelling on my own. i remember begging my mum last year of hs to let me go on my own bc i knew this would happen but šš and like iāve been on the subway a few times but always with someone else, i donāt feel confident in myself to be able to do it alone ;; i keep thinking of all the bad things that could happen, if iām not situationally aware etc etc. like i already had a good amount of āawarenessā i wanna say from just me naturally being an anxious person but the last few months everyone in my family has been hammering down on it being like āalways watch your back/dont talk to anyone/stay as far away from the tracks as you can bc someone will push you downā and so many other things which i get is normal family things to be worried over and im grateful that everyone is so worried for me and i know theyāre just looking out for me but that on top me already knowing and looking out for it just is too much and it feels more counterproductive now
i went to the orientation and even then i got pretty lost too, i donāt know how iām gonna be able to navigate. i think the only things iām looking forward to is that no one i know goes there so iāll be away from everyone in hs (i didnt end it on a good note so iām really looking forward to the whole āreinvent yourselfā thing) and the fact that my schedule i think was pretty decent. or i mean i used to think it was decent but then my mum mentioned how taking afternoon classes kind of kills your whole day and since sheās said that i see it now and ughhh. like i know myself i know iām not a morning person i canāt wake up for an 8am especially if it takes me like 2-3 hrs to get ready and commute. i know my choice was the best thing for me but iām starting to doubt everything :((
i used to be a very self proclaimed introvert and very socially awkward but i like to think iāve gotten more sociable but admittedly i do still struggle with it. and how everyone says that its hard to make friends too is kinda making me nervous too i dont want to have to be very extra and overbearing and annoyingly persistent to make friends but thatās what it sounds like i have to do and just ugh everything is scary.
i was really looking forward to college and i really wanted to get out of my old school and be as far away from home as i could get, i know why i made all the decisions i did but now that iām here iām just starting to doubt and regret everything, i was so excited to have this freedom and to be able to do things for myself and just actually have a life but now itās making me just sick to my stomach and idk how to cope, i havenāt been this anxious about anything in forever. my plan tomorrow is to get there early and walk around to try to find my classes, then maybe see if anythings happening during the free hr (? i doubt thereāll be anything first day so idk here ???) go to class, visit office hours if iām able just to say hi and familiarize myself with where to go, then go home? or maybe look around more? i dont know :(( i havenāt felt this anxiety in ages i donāt know how i used to go everyday like this lol
i know the first week is hell but is there anything else that i should prepare for or any advice or something i dont know TT thank you i just needed to get this off my chest
update (28/08/24, 3:20 AM): oh my gosh hello everyone !! i absolutely was not expecting such an amount of responses when i posted this oh my god im still in such disbelief, iām literally shaking typing this lol
thank you so much to everyone who commented and reached out, everyones words have been so comforting i truly cannot express it in words the amount of gratitude i feel. iāve been so anxious thinking about today that i havenāt been able to eat these past few days, but reading everyones comments has helped to ease my anxieties, thank you so much š«¶š«¶ for everyone starting tomorrow, best of luck š«! iāll definitely update this after tomorrow lol ! thank you so much again TT !!
update (28/08/24 11:42 PM): hiii idk if anyone is gonna read this update but i just wanted to share how my first day went and surprise surprise it was very much totally fine šš (to absolutely no ones surprise). i was genuinely floored by how sweet everyone was, i swear everyone at my old school was so mean i was like ??? it was such a shock TT i even made some friends !! even though most ppl i met and talked to are in diff years, i hope we get to stay in contact š«¶š«¶ !! i just cant get over how nice everyone was my heart feels like itās gonna burst. i dont want to get too excited, i know college is going to be hard and iām not trying to be all starry eyed naĆÆve idealistic āoh what will go wrongā sounding, but gosh TT i really was just catastrophizing </33 i used to be like this a lot i cant believe i didnt catch it sooner. i really hope i get to run into some of these people again, but even if i donāt i feel so much more comfortable being able to talk to people. i know not every interaction will be as nice, but i want to interact with so many more people !!
also side note everyone there has such great style hello ??? i saw so many cool outfits it took everything in me to not be complimenting someone every 5 seconds TT !! i feel like i was a little awkward honestly, a few interactions were a bit odd (because of me i enjoy talking to ppl but i realize i definitely have quite a bit to go if i want to say im good at it lol), but i think that most people got i was coming from a good place so ;; hopefully idk
i got to the building early (four. hours. early. because my first prof stood us up lol </33 jk not rlly class was just cancelled) and had time to walk around and find my classes, i even got to visit the westport building ! i know i have a class there so im glad i got to see it ;; !! but also some ppl i met today offered to walk to me to class too which TT oh i could cry thinking about i havent had such a nice interaction with someone in forever i hope i get to see them again :ā))
and about my fears of public transport; old me was so right for wanting that freedom i dont know why i was freaking out so much TT !! i guess it was one of those āyou want it so much but when you finally have it you dont know what to do with itā type things, it was so therapeutic honestly. i remember coming home from school everyday and being so terribly drained, but having that walk (despite how exhausted i was lol) was so mind clearing and god i loved getting the sunlight in TT lol you can see how sheltered i am. honestly the train wasnt terrible, on the bus there was some weird guy but the minute he got off me the people around me started to talk abt him it was lowk really funny bc i was freaking out the whole time, but they eased the tension šš so grateful for them honestly ;;
right now im in bed relaxing mentally preparing myself for tomorrowā¦ new classes tomorrow, and then after that itās almost a full week, then itās *really* a full week andā¦ but just one day at a time ig im really anxious but for all the anxities i feel i think im just as equally excited
thank you so much to everyone who left a message of support, from the bottom of my heart genuinely i cannot thank you all enough. wishing everyone love š«¶